My wife just stormed in telling me she found used condom wrappers in our son's room. She wants to have a family meeting. The only thing I could think about was how proud I am of my son today. I'm tempted to take him aside and ask him how it was and maybe give him some pointers ;o3

I use to act so confused when my brothers friends would "flirt" with his cute little brother. I didn't mind when they rubbed themselves all over me. ;o3

I remember when I was younger I was chosen to help 1st grade students read. I was fat back then and the kids always use to call me fat. One day I got mad and punched one in the stomache. He cried told the teacher, but she believed me over him. I told her "he refuses to read!" ;o3

Today, my wife asked me to have "the talk" with my son... instead I bought him a few DVDs and a box of condoms. ;o3

Saw a fat lady pick up her kid from the bus stop. She was too fat to walk where the bus stopped so she yelled at her kid to meet her. She then yelled at her when the kid crossed the street and didn't look both ways. All while eating a burger from McDonalds.

When the school counselor called me and told me that my son punched another kid in the face, I was proud. I told him to keep up the good work, but remember to not fight with ugly people because they have nothing to lose. ;o3

I cheated on my husband...9 months later the baby came out with curly black hair (my husband is blond and so am i, both straight hair), I told my husband that I was 1/8th black... some how he believed me, thank goodness i have a ghetto booty ;o3

My ex wife makes me take the kid twice a week expecting me to take the kid out to do activies... some days I get lazy. I recently bought him a videogame system and now I get to sleep in on Saturdays. "quiet junior, daddy needs to sleep so he has energy to pay for your child support" ;o3

I try to act and hold my eyes as hard as I can to look like i'm sleeping so I don't have to take care of the kids in the morning. ;o3