words to live by " nothing tastes as good as pretty feels"

sometimes when I order a meal at Wendies, I pretend like I ordered chili instead of fries when they had me my order. more often then not they end up just giving me the fries for free. at the very lease i dump half the fries into the bag before giving it back to them. ;o3

I've masturbated about 6 times today. I'm really starting to think its getting in the way of my life...

A friend told me that jello was made out of horses in an attempt to get me to boycott jello. I smile a bit inside when I eat jello now. mmMmmMM horse. ;o3. Apparently bears love horses too!

I was making out with a random girl in the club one night when I was really hammered.. I thought I was tight sh*t until my friend pushed me off the girl. She was bearable without light and fugly within sight. I was shamed. ;o3

When I heard about the swine flu today, I thought, "Damn Asians are at it again." Turns out it wasn't them, it was probably the Mexicans... I will now refrain from eating anything Mexican. You should too.

I go to yoga classes solely to pick up hot chicks. ;o3

When I am low on cash I like to go to Costco and eat all the free samples. Sometimes I just stand there and eat it while the person takes it out of the little oven. ;o3

I habitually lie about my age. Often times it takes me a few minutes to figure out my real age when filling out forms and such

today i farted and forgot to cut the tail my roomate was thoroughly disgusted. ; 0 3