I have several boys that I only call when I'm bored or too lazy to go out. I like to pretend that I'm interested in them because its nice to have someone to talk to, but I'd never sleep with any of these guys. They're like my not-so-gay best friend, the blueballs makes it more fun. ;o3

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I like to write my name on my girlfriends... most of the time I'm being playful, but I'm also acting out my subconscious impulse to objectify them. ;o3

My friend works for a the police department in a large metropolitan city... he says they often time write up "borderline homicide" cases as natural causes because the paperwork is easier.

I "dine and dashed" a hooker I met off craigslist once. After the deed was done at the motel, I told her I had to pee and snuck out the window of the bathroom. Remember, pay for the motel in cash, so they can't trace you. ;o3

Today, we took a calculus test and I noticed some dumb jock trying to copy my exam... I slid my scantron to the edge of the desk so he could get a better view. After he handed his exam in and patted my shoulder, I changed my answers to the correct ones. ;o3

It's not my fault that when I walk I make guys miss a step. I just put on some spandex and smile.

My boyfriend sneaked into my room one night to fool around. A couple hours later my parents came in to give me a talk about college. Needless to say my poor boyfriend was stuck half naked in my bathroom for a few hours. ;o3

I hate my roomate. So today after douching myself out, I left a little present in her laundry hamper... ;o3

My ex wife makes me take the kid twice a week expecting me to take the kid out to do activies... some days I get lazy. I recently bought him a videogame system and now I get to sleep in on Saturdays. "quiet junior, daddy needs to sleep so he has energy to pay for your child support" ;o3